Car Ribbon Things

There are precious few things that I detest more than the fake magnetic yellow ribbons that adorn just about every car, and especially truck, in Texas. They all invariably say, "Support the Troops." My response, "Fuck you, you cretinous inbred. I'll support whomever I choose to support and no amount of redneck advertising is going to help." I don't understand the motivation for this sort of display any more than the motivation of people still driving around with Kerry-Edwards bumper-stickers. Is it a need to belong?

The troop ribbons could become much less incendiary to me if they would just preface their message with an "I". I would still harbor many of the same prejudices towards these folks, but I would not feel like I was being told what to do by the likes of them. "I support the troops." Good for you!

Of course these types of public displays always seem to generate cottage industries. Take the plastic bracelet craze. NASCAR now has plastic bracelets signifying something. My company handed out red bracelets to symbolize our "turnaround plan." I suppose by wearing them, we were supposed to experience more solidarity with the other poor saps. (n.b. I never wore one.)

I'm always heartened when trends reach this phase because it signifies the end-phase. And so it goes with the magnetic trunk ribbons. On my walk in from the parking garage today, I saw the familiar fake ribbon design on the back of an SUV. As I neared the vehicle, I could tell it was not yellow and it did not implore me to do anything. It was white and polka-dotted with basketballs. The only verbiage...I love basketball. I expect I'll soon see a magnetic ribbon announcing to the world that Dachshunds are the greatest dogs and that my money and my child go to Baylor. The bumper-sticker we all know will have been twisted around to make a ribbon bearing phrases no more innocuous than my best day working wasn't as good as my worst day fishing. I can't wait.